The Mobile Bar
And the ghost of Shark Tooth Barry
I can’t believe it’s been nearly two months since I last wrote to you. When we last spoke it was the end of a glorious summer, firewood was a distant thought, and the sun was still setting late.
Now we find ourselves in full autumn. It’s been far drier than the last two years, which is good for us down here on the flat, but proving to be challenging for many farmers who have likely missed the autumn grass growing burst, meaning a lot of feeding out of winter.
I abandoned my outside office about a week ago. After walking out there on a Monday morning in a -3 degrees C frost, I figured it was time to return to the house office for the cold season. It feels like all I have been doing lately is working, but with this government trying to bankrupt the entire country it’s time to figuratively make hay while the sun is shining. With the US Dollar probably the worst it has been in a long time, my costs have gone up.
Firewood is in for winter and already being consumed with some very cold nights in the past weeks. The firewood dance is always interesting. Finding seasoned firewood is a skill in the valley. Seasoned firewood is wood that is ready to burn. A lot of the more dubious sellers will claim it is dry, but, it often is not.
Like I said, it’s hard to find and I’ve learned some code from firewood sellers.
“It’s partially seasoned and just needs another month of airdrying.” - It’s wet.
“It’s rain wet.” - It’s wet.
“It’s been on the ground but it’s mostly seasoned.” - It’s wet and muddy.
“It’s a bit of a mixture.” - It’s wet.
“There are some bigger bits, but it will split ok.” - It won’t, you’ll need a chainsaw.
“It’s been in the shed for the last two years.” - It’s dry. Buy this.
Speaking of firewood, the BnB is shut for winter after a very good first season. The last hardy souls stayed when the temperature dipped well below zero and reported they were warm and cosy. Granted, it was a still night. We both know that a night outside on the farm in a howling southerly, with rain and sleet, and a windchill under zero is a poor experience. This usually coincides with lambing, because sheep are suicidal.
Every review so far has been five-star (yes, I am touching wood.)
The sheep have had their pre-winter shear and are looking very smart. Our shearer reports them in good condition and with at least one of the ewes looking like she might lamb early. Always good to know because then you can start keeping an eye out.
I had my fifty-first birthday a few weeks back. Thank you K, it was a long weekend of irresponsible drinking and eating, my favourite activities.
I don’t feel this age but I think this age feels me a bit. Suddenly I have different glasses for different activities. If I plug the seatbelt in wrong I may have back pain for a week. My knee tells me when it is going to rain (quite useful to be honest.)
GenX never grows up, we’re irresponsible and it shows. I believe we have some of the worst health stats, overindulge, and are overrepresented in the smoking statistics for example. We are also the generation with the least amount of wealth and the most amount of debt.
I feel this makes us a minority and as such, deserving of special treatment. If nothing else, I think a “Sponsor a GenXer” not-for-profit should be created, whereby other generations can sponsor a GenXer in various ways. Similar to those sponsorship programmes of the 80s.
As a marginalised group I expect something similar to a Gold Card that gets me discounts at the pub and Cafe Ole in Carterton. Specifically, large discounts on pies, doughnuts, and sausage rolls. Certain other foods should also be discounted at the supermarket. Things such as beer, wine, cheerios, club sandwiches, and potato salad. In fact, all deli items. Most importantly, significant discounts on lamb chops and Coat and Cook.
You could sponsor your favourite GenXer in several ways.
A once-a-week sober driver experience. More times a week would be preferable, but we aren’t greedy.
Pay off our mortgage. Face it, the banks own our houses and we often wonder why we bought them in the first place. Retirement is impossible, help us out here, you lot have got all the money.
Once a week come and cook us an old-school roast with all the trimmings. I know previous generations taught us to do this, but sometimes we can’t be bothered actually doing it.
As a marginalised section of society, we also want the right to protest more about things we don’t like. The problem is, we really can’t be bothered. If you want to help, could you make some signs and protest on our behalf?
The options to support your favourite GenXer are endless. The problem is, that I suspect the majority of my readers fall into this generation.
K has purchased a new mobile drinking device. Apparently, it’s meant to cart horses around but I feel it has potential as a mobile bar. At the very least it could be dual purpose with a fit-out for horses and a fit-out for me for drinking. It could be deployed to local rugby games in winter, particularly in inclement weather.
I am unsure of the rules however I feel that driving down country roads while I sip beer in the back staring at the landscape and cars following us is a worthwhile goal. As the rules work in the valley, you can do pretty much whatever you want as long as it’s not on a state highway, which will invite the ire of our friendly police force.
The horses are settling in well and for the first time since we have been here K has spent time riding out. Options are limited (hence the horse float) but finally, she’s found the right horses for her and the farm.
K continues to prep the farm for winter with all the various jobs to get ready underway before hibernation punctuated by having to go out in stormy weather to rescue lambs and cover horses.
Earlier this week we saw the Aurora Australis. I think everyone on the planet saw it and the Facebook feed was full of blurry photos. Hilariously, rather than bringing peace and goodwill to men, or a sense of awe, it generated literally millions of arguments on social media that had nothing to do with the aurora itself. You have to love humans and their innate genetic ability to fight over anything.
What was strange though, was as we were squinting at the blurry thing a small white light appeared in the paddock about twelve feet off the ground. It zig-zagged around a bit then shot off through the pine shelter belt. There is no explanation for this. We both saw it at the same time and hadn’t been taking LSD. Yes I know, we’re getting boring. I mean if I were twenty it would be a case of “let’s take acid and watch the aurora!” Perhaps I am getting old.
Regardless, we wondered if this could be the Ghost of Shark Tooth Barry, a gentleman with very sharp teeth who used to own part of the lagoon before he passed away and it was bought by rich Wellington consultants. Had Shark Tooth Barry manifested into a light being and floated around the paddock for a bit? Perhaps the BnB is haunted, which could be a good selling point. Sleepy Hollow indeed…
Who knows. What we do know is that the light went off into the neighbour’s block, which is designated organic with a strict set of rules. I wonder, are ghosts allowed on an organic block? Should the authorities be alerted?
For now, it remains a mystery.
And so, dear readers, we hunker down for the winter. Yesterday our friend traded two lambs for the freezer, which will be delicious. He culled his flock last week and freezers are full. In these times of austerity measures, we are grateful for living here and not the city. Costs are significantly less.
These are perilous times, it seems that the concept of Idiocracy as portrayed in the movie has finally arrived in reality. And only eight years after predicted. I’ll leave you to look that up.
In the meantime stay warm, stay positive, and remember if you are looking to sponsor a GenXer then reach out.